Things that will not survive the heat of Arches National Park:
- Hedgehogs
- Plasticware
- Baby birds
- Deodorant
- Frozen spinach
Things that will probably not survive the heat of Arches National Park:
- Human babies
Things that survive the heat of Arches National Park, if barely:
- Sam
- Tricia
- Free scones from Katie our couchsurfing host
Survival inquiry from Tricia:
- "I wonder how many people die here a day. Or, a year."
Survival idea from Tricia:
- "Do you think maybe I should pee on my shirt and then put it back on?"
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Product Unendorsment
Readers from last summer may recall a time when I got lost going to the bathroom and T followed me with the free Pitchfork penlight on her key chain. This, after I was the one who insisted on buying only one flashlight for the trip. I still think of this moment in lonely times, but this year I agreed on buying a multipack of flashlights. The Target had a lot of different kinds of multipacks and we stood in the aisle for a long time just staring. "Those look cool," I said about a pack of blue jelly-material ones. "Dorcy," Tricia read from the package. We stood in the aisle droning the word Dorcy for awhile, unsure about the sound of it. "At first I thought it was Dorky," Tricia said. "I like that," I said. "Also, the picture looks like an eye standing on legs." This seemed to be enough of a reason.
We are now cursing the name Dorcy. Stay away from Dorcy. These flashlights produce no light. This is dangerous. The end.
We are now cursing the name Dorcy. Stay away from Dorcy. These flashlights produce no light. This is dangerous. The end.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Most Exciting Things in Iowa
S: There is a Dairy Queen here.
T: Wanna get some? Is that bad?
S: No, it's not bad. Dairy queen would make things more fun right now. Also, I don't think there are Dairy Queens in California.
T: No Dairy Queen?!? NO!
S: I don't know. Maybe there are. There probably are.
T: But in case there are not we should cover our bases?
S: I mean, there might not be.
T: No, it's fine. I don't need convincing. You had me at Dairy Queen is here or whatever you said.
S: Good.
T: You know what I love? Subway.
S: I do not love Subway.
T: Yeah. No one loves Subway. But everyone who doesn't love Subway needs to give it another chance.
T: Wanna get some? Is that bad?
S: No, it's not bad. Dairy queen would make things more fun right now. Also, I don't think there are Dairy Queens in California.
T: No Dairy Queen?!? NO!
S: I don't know. Maybe there are. There probably are.
T: But in case there are not we should cover our bases?
S: I mean, there might not be.
T: No, it's fine. I don't need convincing. You had me at Dairy Queen is here or whatever you said.
S: Good.
T: You know what I love? Subway.
S: I do not love Subway.
T: Yeah. No one loves Subway. But everyone who doesn't love Subway needs to give it another chance.
The Person Who Pees All the Time (OR Trying to be a Good Person)
T: Maybe we should get a thing of Depends for this trip.
S: ...
T: But do you think Depends would hold a whole pee? Or are they just for little accidents? This is something I've been trying to figure out for awhile.
S: My inclination is to say yes, but.
T: Yes a whole pee?
S: Yes, but also I'm not sure. Adults pee a lot more then babies.
T: Right, I know! Also, if they held a whole pee, wouldn't people wear them all the time?
S: ...
T: I just mean on road trips. They'd be a standby. Like, a trip supply. Fuck, I knew I should have called the manufacturer before we left. Or we could have done a test. Like, a trial run.
S: We could do a trial run at the couchsurfing house but we'd probably get weird reviews.
T: Right. Like, these girls wear diapers.
(Break)
T: I just feel like people who know me think of me as the person who pees all the time. I don't want to be that person.
S: (Fails to ask T whether it's better to be the person who wears Depends)
T: Do you think they pull up, or velcro on the sides? This would make a big difference.
S: Which would you prefer?
T: Velcro on the sides. Because then you wouldn't have to take your pants off to get them off.
S: I think you almost certainly have to take your pants off to get the Depends off.
T: No, because why would they take a step back in diaper technology?
(Break)
T: You can't poo in Depends, that's for sure.
S: People do poo.
T: Oh! I thought it was just for pee. Well, if it can hold a poo, it can definitely hold a whole pee. Don't transcribe this part.
S: I have to. Full circle.
T: Oh. Yeah.
S: ...
T: But do you think Depends would hold a whole pee? Or are they just for little accidents? This is something I've been trying to figure out for awhile.
S: My inclination is to say yes, but.
T: Yes a whole pee?
S: Yes, but also I'm not sure. Adults pee a lot more then babies.
T: Right, I know! Also, if they held a whole pee, wouldn't people wear them all the time?
S: ...
T: I just mean on road trips. They'd be a standby. Like, a trip supply. Fuck, I knew I should have called the manufacturer before we left. Or we could have done a test. Like, a trial run.
S: We could do a trial run at the couchsurfing house but we'd probably get weird reviews.
T: Right. Like, these girls wear diapers.
(Break)
T: I just feel like people who know me think of me as the person who pees all the time. I don't want to be that person.
S: (Fails to ask T whether it's better to be the person who wears Depends)
T: Do you think they pull up, or velcro on the sides? This would make a big difference.
S: Which would you prefer?
T: Velcro on the sides. Because then you wouldn't have to take your pants off to get them off.
S: I think you almost certainly have to take your pants off to get the Depends off.
T: No, because why would they take a step back in diaper technology?
(Break)
T: You can't poo in Depends, that's for sure.
S: People do poo.
T: Oh! I thought it was just for pee. Well, if it can hold a poo, it can definitely hold a whole pee. Don't transcribe this part.
S: I have to. Full circle.
T: Oh. Yeah.
This is not your calling.
Yesterday, Tricia passed a semi-truck who had his blinker on. His face got all red and squished up as he shot his middle finger out at her and yelled, "Fuck you bitch." T's deadpan response: "I think you've chosen the wrong career."
Lincoln, NE
Things I love include hearing stories from strangers and performing private analyses of objects in their homes. Thus, couchsurfing is an ideal lodging choice for me. I worry a little that we are too socially weird/intense for this, but hopefully it's okay. Last night involved a lot of brown and green couches, records, home brew, weed, and intentional joke sharing. It was nice. Tricia prefaces all her jokes with warnings such as, "Okay, this one is against Jews AND Catholics, just so you know." These are always my favorite parts of the jokes.
The driving was really unexciting, except for the bagels with chive cream cheese, cucumbers, and yellow tomatoes that T's mom packed us. Nebraska looks like Iowa which looks like Illinois. Today we should hit Wyoming (or Colorado, we're still undecided) which should be prettier. We're in search of cowboys.
Whenever I continue a blog that I haven't touched in a long time, I sort of regret messing with the original quality of the blog. I fear that will be the case this time, since the mood of this trip/blog/me is really different than last time. Also, photos will probably come way later.
The driving was really unexciting, except for the bagels with chive cream cheese, cucumbers, and yellow tomatoes that T's mom packed us. Nebraska looks like Iowa which looks like Illinois. Today we should hit Wyoming (or Colorado, we're still undecided) which should be prettier. We're in search of cowboys.
Whenever I continue a blog that I haven't touched in a long time, I sort of regret messing with the original quality of the blog. I fear that will be the case this time, since the mood of this trip/blog/me is really different than last time. Also, photos will probably come way later.
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